Realizing Who I Am |
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By: Allie Country: Korea |
| In 1990, about 2500 children from South Korea were adopted into the United States. I was one of those children. On August 15, 1990, I, along with 3 other babies, entered the United States for the very first time. Unlike most people, I met my parents when I was 6 months old. My parents said it was the best day of their lives. They had wanted a baby for over 10 years. They said I was their “miracle.”
My brother is also adopted from South Korea. I was two years old when my parents adopted him. Growing up, I didn’t see myself as “different” from everyone else. I didn’t realize that I was from a different country than most of the people around me. Even when we were little, I still never noticed that my brother and I didn’t really look like our parents. As I grew older, my parents did something that turned out to be the best thing for me. Only I didn’t know it at the time. My parents started bringing the Korean culture into my life. They had get-togethers with other families with Korean-adopted children in the area. We celebrated Sol Nal, Korean New Year, and Chusok, Korean Thanksgiving. They also bought us hanboks, traditional Korean outfits. But after all they did for me, I still wasn’t that interested in anything about Korea. I sort of wanted to ignore the fact that I wasn’t born in America and so I just pretended like I was the same as everyone else. But two years ago, my feelings completely changed. During the summer of 2004, my family and I went to Korea with 10 other families for a Homeland Tour. It was the first time my brother and I had been back to Korea since we were born. We stayed for 2 weeks and we saw a lot. We went to the border between North and South Korea, known as the DMZ. We visited museums and palaces. We also went to the adoption agency that placed my brother and me, and we got the chance to meet our foster mothers. In Korea, babies do not stay in an orphanage before they are adopted; foster moms care for the babies. Meeting my foster mother was one of my favorite parts of the whole trip. But the best thing my parents did for me was to take me to Camp Mu Ji Gae, a one-week Korean culture camp in Albany, New York. The camp was for Korean adoptees, so we can learn about our heritage and get to know other people who were born in Korea. When I was younger, I hated camp. Luckily for me, my parents still sent me. Now I am glad they did, because for the past few years, I’ve grown to love it. Each day, we go to classes all about Korea. There are classes about what is going on in Korea today, and the language and writing. It is such a fun learning experience for me. One of my favorite things about camp is discussion. Everyone just sits down and talks about Korean-related issues. We talk about being adopted, about being Korean, and things that only we can understand fully without feeling uncomfortable. Another one of my favorite things about camp is that everyone there is Korean. When I’m at home, I feel like a minority, while when I’m at camp, I feel like the majority. It’s good to feel that way for four days out of the year. I also love seeing all my friends and sharing stories about the past school year. One of my friends has really helped me this past year, especially with my Korean-related situations. We’re so close today, mostly because we understand each other and what each other is going through. Sometimes I feel like I enjoy being Korean more than I like being American. I’m not trying to say I don’t like living where I am or anything like that, I’m just trying to say that I like the feeling of being around other Korean people. The only thing that makes me feel badly, is that when I try to get into my heritage, it feels like I’m trying too hard; like I’m being too much of a “wanna-be Korean.” It’s kind of like I’m stuck in the middle; I don’t know a lot about the Korean culture, but I’m not Caucasian. Don’t get me wrong, I love my family and I don’t want to take myself away from them, it’s just that I also want to get involved with my Korean heritage. Not only is it hard just trying to find myself, it’s kind of hard being one of the only Asians in school. There are a couple of Asian kids in my school, and most of them are Korean, but being a minority makes me feel a little uneasy at times. I get so self-conscience and it can be really tough to deal with. When I was in Korea, or when I went to camp, I was able to let go of that “everyone’s judging me” feeling and just be a little more carefree. Now that I’m almost 16, I’m getting closer to finding out how I really feel and where I really “fit.” I just started taking Korean language classes in December, and I’m actually starting to feel a bit closer to my heritage. I stay close with my friends from the classes and it feels good to know that I can count on them to listen to me and relate to what I’m going through. Both the Korean and American cultures are very important to me. They are what make me who I am and what sets me different from everyone else. More and more everyday, I’m finding that I don’t have to be just Korean or just American; I can be both. |
On the Way to J.F.K Fourteen Years Later |
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By: Peggy Rafferty Country: Korea |
| On July 2, 1991, my sister, Joan, drove my husband Tim O’Connor and me from Manhattan to JFK airport to meet our daughter Bo Kyung, age 6, for the first time upon her arrival from Korea. On May 10, 2005, nearly fourteen years later, I return to JFK to wish “bon voyage” to Bo ( the “Kyung” long discarded in favor of the more fashionable Bo O’Connor) as she departs for a May term of college study in Senegal.
Bo is in New York for a whirlwind thirty-six hours after completing her freshman year at Earlham College, a four-year Quaker liberal arts college in Richmond, Indiana. She arrived on May 9th at 1AM with two college friends after the long drive from the Midwest. It’s good that Barbara Graffeo isn’t doing our home study now. Our living room is a mess with Bo’s stuff which has transported using the garbage bag method. Our quiet orderly “empty nest” is suddenly caught up in the usual frenzy of life with Bo. The Chinese food was waiting in the fridge for her and her entourage having been called in by cell from somewhere in Pennsylvania. Bo’s thirty six hours in the Big Apple includes a uptown visit to the Convent of the Sacred Heart. This was her home away from home from kindergarten through high school, to see cherished teachers and staff; coffee at Starbucks with one high school classmate and cell phone encounters with others; a mumbled “hello” to her dad; an interview with a magazine editor for a possible internship next year; a brief meeting to firm up her summer job at a Madison Avenue boutique; serving as a tour guide for her college friend from San Francisco; and accompanying her other college friend to Penn Station for his train home to New Hampshire. Bo and I go to a Vietnamese restaurant for a late dinner. I finally get to have a real mother-daughter conversation with this elusive character. Bo bemoans the absence of decent food in the Midwest, bubbles over with details about her adorable boyfriend, and voices sadness that her friends who are seniors have just graduated and it will never be the same. “Didn’t you say that last year when you were leaving Sacred Heart?” I remind her. This morning, I try waking Bo up so she can begin packing, “Bo the Super Shuttle is coming.” “Relax, Mom, I’ll be up in 20 minutes,” she says as she did 20 minutes before. She eventually begins packing one hour before the Super Shuttle arrives while multi-tasking calmly on her cell phone. I begin my lengthy litany of maternal travel advisories geared to Africa, “Only drink filtered water, and remember to take your malaria medications, stay with the group.” I’m clearly not making much headway. I intersperse motherly anxiety with nostalgic reminiscences of Bo, as a kindergartener,” Bo remember when you wore your Sacred Heart pinafore and sat in a circle in Mrs. Beres’ class?” “Yeah, Mom, I remember,” Bo says indulging me. I wave good-bye as she passes through security and boards her South African airline flight without a second thought. I felt the tears well up in my eyes and forced myself to get a grip. I remember feeling this same way when Bo was in middle school that I would never feel comfortable having her walk three blocks independently in New York City. All of my friends with older children assured me that I would get used to it and eventually I did. They also balanced warnings about parental torment during adolescence with a hopeful “Don’t worry, they all grow out of it and ultimately you will all get through it.” It was hard to imagine that a sweet adorable second grader would be transformed by adolescent hormones into a rebellious teenager who would not answer her cell phone at 4AM and get herself admitted to the hottest NYC nightclubs. She also displayed an indifference to all matters of academia in a school that values intellectual achievement; this trait was to become the subject of numerous meetings with the head of the upper school. By the time Bo left Sacred Heart, I had developed a very close relationship with the attendance counselor. Yet, Bo’s tremendous sense of independence and adventure nonetheless has its silver lining: She has dreamed about going to Africa ever since a high school. During her first week of college she surprised herself by passing a French language proficiency exam administered by a professor from Senegal who quickly recruited her for the May term course in his homeland that he was planning. On the way to JFK, Bo mentions that she hopes to return to Africa to volunteer with AIDS orphans. Little of what has occurred during these fourteen years-good or bad, but mostly wonderful, and certainly never dull-could have been predicted when Tim and I first took the LIRR in the spring of 1991 and made our way to New Beginnings. There we felt the nurturing welcome of Cathy Danowski, Barbara Graffeo and Pooja Park who were there for us in every way at the beginning of our journey as a family that has brought us to this day. |
The Kirwin Family |
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By: Heather Kirwin Country: Domestic |
| When Steven and I joined New Beginnings 20 years ago, little thought did we give to the long term results. Our sons Benjamin (age 5) and Everett (age 7) came home to Manorville in 1985 and 1986. New Beginnings helped us in the early stages of settling in, and later in the turbulent teen years. The friends and bonds we formed early on within the adoptive community have evolved into our extended family.
Currently Benjamin is serving in the Navy aboard the U.S.S. Chancellorsville. His home port is Yokosuka, Japan. He’s married with three children. Still local, Everett is a department head for Home Depot. Recently, Everett married a lovely young woman (also an adoptee). In attendance were many of our extended family who we met through the adoption experience. Now empty nesters, Steven and I are enjoying sitting back and watching our competent young adults forging their chosen paths. We are extremely grateful to New Beginnings for all the work they have done to help support our family. We can remember all the picnics and holiday parties that added joy to our and our sons’ lives. Thank you New Beginnings for the gift of our sons. |
My Journey to China |
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By: Jade Sullivan, age 9 Country: China |
| Saturday, October 30th – I was on my way to China and Japan with my mom and dad. We had so much luggage; it was like holding a little part of an elephant.
Sunday, October 31st – When we arrived in Beijing, our friends picked us up from the airport. We were staying with my mom and dad’s friends. When we got there, my mom and dad unpacked while I played with Emily. (Emily is my mom’s friend’s daughter. My mom’s friend’s name is Lily.) Monday, November 1st – On our first day we went to the Great Wall of China. That is a great place to go. Before we left the Great Wall, I got a red sweatshirt that says “I Climbed the Great Wall of China.” Tuesday, November 2nd – We went to the Forbidden City in Beijing. It was so cool. We got to see where the emperor lived. Almost all of their stuff is gold. Wednesday, November 3rd - We went to the Temple of Heaven. There you try to talk to a wall and listen for the echo to come around to you. It works, believe me I tried it. Thursday, November 4th – We went to the Summer Palace. We saw trees that lived long ago. The thing we saw in the Summer Palace was the marble boat. I even got to go to a Chinese school with my friend, Joy, who lives in Beijing. Friday, November 5th – We went to see the Chinese acrobats. Most of the performers were teenagers and they were really good. It was a great show. Saturday, November 6th – We flew to Nanjing. Sunday, November 7th – Today we visited my orphanage in Ma’anshan. My mom was tearing. That day we went to lunch with the director and my Chinese caregiver. I was an honored guest. They gave me a gift. It is a silk picture of 2 pandas. We also gave some gifts to the kids. The orphanage is white. It is near the mountains. We got to see where they dry their clothes. We took a lot of pictures there. Monday, November 8th – Today we went to tour the city of Ma’anshan. We went to where my birth mother placed me to be found with the hope that I could have a chance for a better life than she could have given me. While we were there, a man opened a new restaurant. To get people to come to his restaurant, he started to do firecrackers. After that, we bought some things in an outdoor market. Tuesday, November 9th – We went to Shanghai. Wednesday, November 10th– We went to a Buddhist temple. Thursday, November 11th – Today we went to a silk factory. We got to see how silk was made. Friday, November 12th - Today we went to the Shanghai museum. We went to the jade part after we saw some other interesting things. We saw jade stones and lots of jade rocks. Saturday, November 13th– Today was our last day in China. We went to Tokyo. We went to see family there. A few minutes after we got to the hotel, my cousin, Mimiko, and Uncle Bruce came to see us. When we saw each other we got so excited. Thursday, November 18th- Home Sweet Home! For a few days I had bad jet lag. I got better soon. “Gosh my trip to China and Japan was awesome. I highly recommend that you go there some day!” |
The Monroes |
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By: Sheilah Monroe Country: Domestic |
| Waverley and I came to New Beginnings 18 years ago heavyhearted. The newborn we were adopting died of Sudden Infant Death Syndrome. We felt we might never be able to be parents.
Faye Caperna met us and felt we would make good parents for a young boy. That is how we met Sam, a sweet, loving three year old. A three year old that ate a jumbo hot dog, a plate of French fries, a pickle and half of my hamburger for lunch. Faye assured us that he would slow down after he was comfortable with us. I sometimes feel we are still waiting. The joy of holding Sam in my lap as we read “Green Eggs and Ham” over and over and over…. Each new discovery he made as he grew was amazing to me. I had always wanted to be a mother, never knowing the true joy to be had until I became one. We are very blessed with Sam. Sam is learning delayed and needed some extra help in school. He started in BOCES preschool for the help he needed and continued through all his school years in a special education program. You make sure your child gets the help they need. We finalized Sam’s adoption a year after placement. The day we finalized his adoption we got the placement of Julia, a beautiful two and half year old girl. We were told she had autistic tendencies, a lazy eye and little speech. Before the placement Waverley would pick her up for the weekend. During the car ride she would sing with the radio and jabber most of the hour. She would walk in the front door, look around, smile, take off her jacket, throw her bottle in the sink and go looking for Sam. They adored one another. We got her eyes examined and ordered glasses. She soon found a world beyond her arms. The autistic tendencies disappeared; she spoke more and more English each day. However, she too received services. Both kids are encouraged to try everything, from broccoli to track, music to acting. Some things they liked others they did not. But they tried it and gave each experience their best effort. That is all I have ever asked of them, to try their best. If you don’t like it at least you know it for sure. They found more to like than dislike. The teenage years are hard for all kids. Even the ones that make it look easy. You know the ones. Good looking, popular, the IN crowd. Our two had the learning problems, adoption issues, multi cultural household added to the teen changes to deal with. I have a hard time trying to figure out the source of any given problem. Knowing that my genes were not part of the problem helped me step back and see all sides. Including what part my environment played. Doctors, therapists medications, and, I’d like to think, Waverly and I have them back on a stable road. Many tear filled nights and worry filled days has passed. Sam and Julia have graduated with the Class of 2005. We are very proud of their hard work and what they have accomplished. My mother said something that I believe is true. You have your children for a short time. If you do your job right they will go on without you, but carry you with them in their hearts. I know they are in mine. Thank you New Beginnings and Faye Caperna. |
Two Very Proud Parents |
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By: Gemma & William Douglas Country: Domestic |
| May 24, 2005 will be exactly 18 years since NB placed a four day old baby boy in our arms. We can still remember that Saturday morning. The sun was shining brightly and the sky was clear and a beautiful blue. Our life has not been the same since that day. This beautiful little boy has brought so much joy and happiness to our family, that we can’t remember what life was like before he came. This baby boy was named Colin Christopher.
These 18 years have flown by so fast and Colin has grown into a beautiful young man. He has accomplished so much in the past 18 years. He will soon be graduating high school in June this year with an Advance Regents Diploma, and has been accepted to the Honors Program at the Suffolk County Community College. Colin was diagnosed with Attentions Deficit Disorder when he was in 2nd grade, but this has not stopped him. In 3rd grade, Colin learned to read music and play the recorder; he then entered the competition and received a medal for an outstanding performance with a perfect score. Colin holds the record for being the only 3rd grade student from our school district to have entered this competition. He then went on to play drums. Colin has been an Honor Roll student since the 5th grade. In 8th grade he graduated with a Presidential Award for Excellence in Academics. These are some highlights of Colin’s life. He is a well-adjusted young man who has a bright future ahead of him. There have been some pitfalls along the way because of ADD but with love and support, Colin has managed. Our second son, Troy Daniel, came to us from Spence Chapin via New Beginnings. Troy was four months when he was placed with us. Troy was a welcomed addition to our family and has brought us so much love and happiness. He and Colin complement each other so well that there has never been any sibling rivalry. Troy’s personality is just the opposite of Colin’s. Troy is very talkative and animated. Troy has been an Honor Roll student since the 4th grade. In Middle School helped build a go-cart and participated in the LI Go Cart competition. He also won the school prize for Science and Technology in 8th grade and graduated with a Presidential Award for Excellence in Academics. In May, Troy will be inducted into the National Honor Society, and in June 2006 will be graduating with an Advance Regents Diploma. He has a great sense of humor and is a ray of sunshine on any gloomy day. It is our privilege to be called their parents and we know that there are great things ahead for them both. We are so proud of them. |
My Dream Comes True |
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By: Heather Wareing Country: China |
| Since I was a little girl, I have known my family would grow through adoption. My parents planted the seed when I was very young. They were planning on adopting from Vietnam or Korea. I remember talking about it and taking pictures of our family for the agency. Although my parent’s plans did not work out, we received the agency’s newsletter for years. Growing up, I would flip through the pages looking for possible brothers and sisters.
Years passed, I became a teacher, I became active in the Children’s Ministry at church, and I traveled the world. Maybe because I sought them out, but I often found myself meeting families who adopted internationally. I had the pleasure of meeting an adoptive mom at a friend’s home. She has three biological boys and a daughter from Korea. We discussed agencies, and her experience with New Beginnings. I mentally filed the information for a later time. Shortly after, I was at the bookstore looking through adoption books. Suddenly, it all seemed very possible. I went to the New Beginnings orientation and I knew that adopting now would be right for me. I chose to pursue a Chinese adoption, but was confronted with the “single quota.” I then considered Vietnam. I knew so much about China, but nothing about Vietnam. After reading and researching, I felt comfortable with the Vietnam program. The only problem was that the program was going to close soon for an indefinite time. New Beginning’s contract allowed me to switch programs if Vietnam remained closed. I waited patiently for the program to re-open. New Beginnings was not so patient and soon we were talking about there being a place in the quota for the China Program. After submitting my dossier for China in October 2003, I had a short wait until June 7, 2004 when I spoke with Pauline and received the information on Wan Fu Xiao. The weeks between referral and travel were a flurry of preparation. My good friend Cherie came down from Binghamton to accompany me on this journey to adopt Emma. Leaving New York, we felt as if we were just going on another vacation. But I was bringing home the child of my dreams, a child that I had grown in my heart since my own childhood. Wan Fu Xiao was placed in my arms at the Chongqing Municipal building on Monday, August 9, 2004. We walked into an ordinary building and rode the elevator up to the appropriate floor. Upon entering the room, we saw approximately 17 babies. All the children were wearing split pant shorts, tee shirts and had their heads shaved. Some babies were sleeping in walkers or on the floor while others were playing. I had imagined this moment of my first meeting since I was little. Of course I had changed it and developed it over the years. I envisioned the parents would all be called individually and the babies would be lovingly placed in our arms. A feeling of love would envelop me and we would be mother and daughter. Instead, the director, along with our guide Guilan, started calling out names and handing us the children. Before I knew it, Emma Elisabeth Fu Xiao was placed in my arms. There was no quiet ceremony, no formal recognition of the event. It seemed common, even a little surreal. I felt confused and a little disoriented by the occasion not being given more significance. But, coming down the elevator I was a mother and this felt right. A wave of love came over me. Emma is now 2 years old. She has an exuberant personality and does everything with lots of energy. Some days are exhausting. I have never been so tired. Schedules to keep, ear infections, sleepless nights and…JOY!!! Emma is so much fun and everyday is a new adventure. Motherhood is better than I ever could have imagined. When I was a child I dreamt of a brother or sister being brought into my life through adoption. That dream evolved into becoming an adoptive mother. Thank you New Beginnings for making this dream a reality. |